I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
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I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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