if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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