yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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