just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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