weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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