i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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