i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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