she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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