He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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