dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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