I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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