Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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