God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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