I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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