This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
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The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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