What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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