I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
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just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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