bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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