dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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