I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize