Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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