Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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