I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
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I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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