It's like God shit irony all over that family
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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