We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize