He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
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Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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