did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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I just found a bag of teeth...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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