would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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