Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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