One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize