dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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