Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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