there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize