I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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