I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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