Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize