smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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