i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize