tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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