Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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