he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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