It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
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I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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