i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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