i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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