This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
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I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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