Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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