Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Too much gin, very little bucket
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
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Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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