i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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