There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize