but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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